I hate Sainsburys. When I lived in Plymouth I worked a 12 hour flexi contract for almost a year, I honestly can't remember having a good shift. Let me explain how a flexi contract works: Basically you have to do 12 hours a week at basic pay, but should it be required, you can work up to 50% extra for the same wage (In my case another 6 hours, making 18). Not too bad so far, but when you consider the fact that a flexi contract means you have no fixed hours and so you end up working different shifts each week. Inevitably I would end up doing 18 hour weeks at the most ridiculous times. Then you consider the work, which is at best mind-numbing, you scan and you scan and you scan all the time, the chairs are supposed to be designed with your back in mind, but after 8 hours in these 'comfy' chairs it feels like someone has twisted your spine. You are also expected to be nice to EVERYONE, even complete morons. Believe it or not checkouts were my preferred task. Trollies were an absolute noghtmare, you have to wear ridiculous flourescent jackets which come in two varieties: Wet weather and warm weather varieties. These are both excessively hot and make you look like a complete dumbass. Trollies are by their very nature incredibly random, most people struggle pushing 1 problem trolley, try pushing 10 in a busy car park!

When I left Plymouth I was told to apply for a transfer to Stafford (I still needed money), I did this but was rejected because I hadn't attended an interview. I was 200 miles away for christs sake! Anyway I had a word and they offered me a temporary summer contract which I foolishly accepted. When I discovered I would be attending Loughborough uni I asked about getting a contract there (they have special split contracts for students), but again I was rejected.

Basically Sainsburys sucks because the work is boring and tiring and they treat you like scum. Please boycott Sainsburys. The only reasons you should go to Sainsburys are to: 1) Buy their white choc chip cookies or custard doughnuts 2) Go on a killing spree (This is unadvisable due to its illegality).

 

 

 

The other day I was playing snooker and I did the luckiest snooker you will ever see, (I won't bore you with the details of my fabulous shot, but lets just say it was inescapable) it was then I thought to myself "Flukesville USA!", leading me onto my next thought "That sounds like a great name for a TV show". I got thinking about it and here is my amazing idea:

There's this guy called Josh, he is part Irish and lives in a picturesque town in America (The town is quite small, yet seems to have everything a huge metropolis would have). One day Josh is walking home during a lightning storm and much against all common sense he shelters under a tree. You don't need me to tell you that lightning strikes the tree, some of the sparks and stuff fly to the ground, it is then that Josh notices an 8 leaf clover (which has appeared due to the freak lightning strike), he picks it up and keeps it. Overnight he is turned from a high school nobody into the coolest guy that ever walked the earth. He is also blessed with outrageous good fortune, and gets a chance to demonstrate his luck a little too often.

Here is how a typical episode would go. Josh spends 20 minutes getting into a stupid situation where he needs a stroke of luck to get out of his predicament. The last ten minutes are spent watching Joshs escape and the aftermath where all his friends go "You're so lucky!" and flash ridiculous smiles. An example of this is the time when Josh has a test in something really hard, like brain surgery, he forgets about the test until the morning of it and only reads one chapter of his textbook, of course the test is on the chapter Josh revised and he aces it. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of Flukesville USA is an idiot and is jealous of Josh.

 

I have a great second name, it's a shame about my first. I recently came to the conclusion that Britain has some of the worst named people ever. Joe Bloggs, John Smith, these names are so dull, this got me thinking about which area of the world has the best names.

America: American people are stupid but in their defence they give their kids good names, however, as I can't think of any examples at the moment they don't win.

Brazil: They have really long names that require shortening to really cool things like Dida, Denilson and Garrincha.

Nigeria: The Nigerian football team is full of great names such as Nwankwo Kanu, Celestine Babayaro and Jay Jay Okocha. It must be something in the water.

India and Sri Lanka: Putting a name on your cricket shirt must cost a fortune in Sri Lanka, Pramodya Wickremasinghe, Muttiah Muralitharan and Romesh Kaluwitharana are three prime examples. Indian cricketers also excel Virender Sehwag, Gaekwad and Sourav Ganguly deserve special mention. Ata-ur-Rehman, Pakistan, deserves recognition in the field of nomenclature, what is it with asian cricketers?

Spurs players: Not strictly a geographical region, but Goran Bunjevcic and Milenko Acimovic just can't be ignored.

China: Ridiculous short names a-plenty here, often quite humorous, also can't think of any examples here.

Now you can decide which area has the best names, however I have saved the best until last, the greatest name in the world belongs to a dutch footballer, sadly he is let down by the rest of his nation in terms of great names, but take a bow Giovanni Van Bronckhorst!

You may have noticed that there were no womens names in the list above, the reason for this is simple, womens names suck. The only decent womans name is Shannon, which as luck would have it is also my second name (Told you it was good!). Consequently, should the Britney thing not work out, my plan is to marry a girl called Shannon, first choice is Doherty though her name is splet with an E, but it will still sound good, Shannen Shannon! Failing this I will have to revert to plan C, name my first born Shannon (regardless of gender), the world needs a Shannon Shannon!