Horoscopes
Why does every publication on this planet have a horoscope section? 1 is bad enough, but when every newspaper and countless
magazines have the same feature then the joke starts to wear thin. Apparently our lives are governed by the stars and by reading
these stars psychics and the like are supposed to be able to predict what will happen to each individual, each day. I have
two problems with this, the first is that how are 1 in 12 people supposed to have identical days? Life would get quite
boring if this was the case. My second point is this: Why does each publication differ on horoscopes, if it is just reading
the stars then surely some of them are reading the wrong ones?
It has come to my attention that magazines which carry horoscopes are largely aimed at women (Marie Claire, More etc),
often simply browsing the area of the newstand where these publications reside you view such ridiculous headlines as "Your
love stars for 2003" or "What star sign is your dog?" (I just made that one up, but I expect it on the front of Just 17 next
month!). It is due to this that I have come to the conclusion that women are more gullible than men, they will believe
anything because they are stupid. (I am in an anti-women mood today, though I have no reason for this). In order to give you
an idea of how preposterous horoscopes are I have been checking my daily horoscope on the MSN site and seeing how much
was right. Here is my diary:
Sunday I always thought that horoscopes were really vague and could be interpreted in many ways,
therefore people are more likely to believe them as they interpret a vague statement to fit what has happened to them. I magine
my suprise when I was told i would have "opportunities"! We have opportunities everyday, I was also told that "changes would
move me to a better place", what changes? What place? The kitchen? I didn't leave the house on sunday and therefore the better
place must have been one in my mind or something like that, and the change must have arisen from one of the opportunities
I was presented with. The final statement read that I would have "no inconveniences", well I had to do a computer based
calkculus test which inconvenienced me greatly.
Monday More vagueness today as I was told "You want to be comfortable", well out went the bed
of nails I was planning on sleeping on! Next "People here do things differently", what the hell was that supposed
to mean, 2 days into my experiment and it was making me nauseous.
Tuesday Apparently I should "Stay within the rules" and "Construct instead of destroying". My
interpretation of this was that i shouldn't partake in any illegal activities. However it was then I realised that it was
implying that I usually am a criminal! I was also told "Too much time alone with your feelings can lead to depression", luckily
for me I don't have feelings and so was happy all day! "Style is a good conversation starter", I forgot to try this out, but
how do you start a conversation about style? "Hi, you're looking stylish today" sounds lame.
Wednesday Today I was told to "Trust people and be amazed at how they open up", well I lent
my housemate £1 (trusting people) and suprisingly he didn't open up to me (i think this is actually a good thing), also he
hasn't paid me back! "Sharing 1 thing leads to other things in common", I can't remember this happening. "Make friends, make
love, and be at one with humanity", do they mean new friends? Love in what sense? Humanity, does that include stupid people?
Either way all three were no's.
Thursday (Today) I will have "good conditions to learn and expand", finally something that makes
sense and can easily be applied to my life, my interpretation of this was that i'd be able to revision really easily today.
Complete rubbish, I still hate revision and have been doing various pointless activities to avoid this task. I was also told
that i would be "comfortable in my space, even when that space is in motion", I took my space to be my room as it is where
I have spent most of the day, but i can't see it moving any time soon, however there are 7 hours of the day remaining and
so i will be staying in my room as it appears i will be safe from the impending earthquake.
